The Biggest Elephant in the Room Right Now

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Couples and relationship counselor Nick Haynes joined Better Way Today from the United Kingdom to share with us what he perceives to be the biggest elephant in the room right now—our biological need for emotional and relational connection.

Nick proposes that a benign, loving, and thriving future depends on us learning how to communicate verbally and share our vulnerable emotions and relational needs.

Humans are born with the need to form a close emotional bond with a caregiver, and this need for close emotional connections continues from cradle to grave. Biologically, humans are social mammals who benefit from a sense of belonging. At the same time, we are also individuals who enjoy independence and autonomy. We thrive in a state of interdependence, enjoying our individuality and having access to other human beings we feel close to.

In this Better Way Today segment, Nick illustrates the qualities and opportunities of deep vulnerability.

We were made for love and freedom, but throughout our civilisations we have had difficulty expressing this. Instead we have learnt to screen out vulnerable emotions. The education system has trained us to communicate rationally and intellectually, but we are less ‘fluent’ emotionally and psychologically, and prone to misunderstandings.

We need to keep reminding ourselves that our nature is love, and to use the word ‘love’ more widely. Humanity needs to develop greater understanding of our need for connection with one another, and how to share our vulnerable emotional needs when this is helpful. Living into this reality will gradually sow the seeds of a more loving, caring, and less violent world.

Visit Nick’s YouTube channel to take a deeper dive into his work—Nick Haynes – The Best Kept Secret. Learn more about Nick at nickhaynesrelationshipcounselling.co.uk.

This is an edited segment from our Better Way Today show on 8 January 2024. Jane Gunn also joined us for this episode.